My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
