If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
