some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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