the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
