I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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