i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
