i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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