He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
