Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
she pinky promised me she was 18
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
