Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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