if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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