I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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