my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
