I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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