Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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