i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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