you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
