My room smells like vodka and shame
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
