Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
