I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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