Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
