Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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