If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
