Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
