Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
