You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
