I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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