I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
