I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
