Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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