I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
