I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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