I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
