they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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