how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
