32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
she smelled like a LAN party
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
