It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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