sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
