Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
there's paper in my vomit.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
