I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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