dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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