Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
