mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
