Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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