i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
