where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
