I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
as a side note pls kill me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
