My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
