She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
