i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
