she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
