i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize