There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
