he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
