she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
