she woke up with a sticky ear
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
