I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
im holly from the hills drunk
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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