um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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