P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
