His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
we made out on top of his cat.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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