ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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