john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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