let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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