yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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