bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
