He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
