my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
