it wasn't lemon gatorade
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize