Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
